lots of movement. little progress.

by Matt MooneyAugust 17, 2011

spade
Creative Commons License photo credit: JulieFaith

On the adoption front there is not much to report.  We check in every week in order to see if the special needs list has been published.  Until then, we wait.  She waits.

Our hearts have grown tired as the calendar flips.  The addition to our house is almost completely finished.  Basically, a plumber and an electrician need to show their face and do their thing.  However, the excitement of this reality has faded a bit- as her room nears completion, but we seem no nearer her arrival.  In fact, I have foreseen a sad swell coming on the horizon because we have busied ourselves with adoption paperwork and then with the hustle and bustle of building.  But we are nearing a point where we will have nothing to do– nothing that makes it seem that we are working to get her here.  And I’ll miss these busy gifts, truth be told, because it was these that made me feel that I was doing all I could do.  But today, it seems it is not enough.

I think as a father, or maybe as a male, I want to do.  I want to swing hammers, knock down walls and get dirty with the dust of work.  I want grime under my fingernails.  I want to go to bed exhausted because I spent myself in a worthy direction.  Waiting feels like failure.  And before we all attribute this in some bumper sticker manner to a lack of faith, I’ll have you know that I think it’s both-and.  A good friend summed it up this way:  don’t lean on a shovel and pray for a hole.

But, slowly, it seems the shovels have been taken away, and all I am left to do is ask another for a hole I could not produce.  And let me be the first to say, that sucks.  Maybe it is a lack of faith or maybe it is an over-estimation of myself.  I claim no exemption from either of these armor chinks.  So, now I’ve resorted to desperate digs with just my cupped hands.  And I am praying more.  He says we have not because we ask not.  Well, not this time God.

Lord, will you please make a way where there seems no way.
I am asking, as your son, that you would complete the work that you yourself began.  Bring her home.
Please replace my fear with faith.
My self trust into trust of you.
Please reveal to me my iniquity that I may, through your son, be cleansed.
Hear me, Father.  Where have you gone that this is not on your agenda?
Give me a faith that is not my own.  A peace that I know not where to find.
I will trust your will.  May it be done.

4 Comments

  1. Amber on August 17, 2011 at 10:45 am

    prayers here, too



  2. Joy on August 17, 2011 at 3:13 pm

    Oh man. I get it. Continuing to pray with you guys…



  3. Phoebe on August 24, 2011 at 10:18 am

    Thankful, every time I check in to catch up on your blog. I want you to know that it is such an encouragement in despite of frailties. Pressing toward the goal, with prayer…keeping you all in mind. He makes beauty out of ashes!



spade
Creative Commons License photo credit: JulieFaith

On the adoption front there is not much to report.  We check in every week in order to see if the special needs list has been published.  Until then, we wait.  She waits.

Our hearts have grown tired as the calendar flips.  The addition to our house is almost completely finished.  Basically, a plumber and an electrician need to show their face and do their thing.  However, the excitement of this reality has faded a bit- as her room nears completion, but we seem no nearer her arrival.  In fact, I have foreseen a sad swell coming on the horizon because we have busied ourselves with adoption paperwork and then with the hustle and bustle of building.  But we are nearing a point where we will have nothing to do– nothing that makes it seem that we are working to get her here.  And I’ll miss these busy gifts, truth be told, because it was these that made me feel that I was doing all I could do.  But today, it seems it is not enough.

I think as a father, or maybe as a male, I want to do.  I want to swing hammers, knock down walls and get dirty with the dust of work.  I want grime under my fingernails.  I want to go to bed exhausted because I spent myself in a worthy direction.  Waiting feels like failure.  And before we all attribute this in some bumper sticker manner to a lack of faith, I’ll have you know that I think it’s both-and.  A good friend summed it up this way:  don’t lean on a shovel and pray for a hole.

But, slowly, it seems the shovels have been taken away, and all I am left to do is ask another for a hole I could not produce.  And let me be the first to say, that sucks.  Maybe it is a lack of faith or maybe it is an over-estimation of myself.  I claim no exemption from either of these armor chinks.  So, now I’ve resorted to desperate digs with just my cupped hands.  And I am praying more.  He says we have not because we ask not.  Well, not this time God.

Lord, will you please make a way where there seems no way.
I am asking, as your son, that you would complete the work that you yourself began.  Bring her home.
Please replace my fear with faith.
My self trust into trust of you.
Please reveal to me my iniquity that I may, through your son, be cleansed.
Hear me, Father.  Where have you gone that this is not on your agenda?
Give me a faith that is not my own.  A peace that I know not where to find.
I will trust your will.  May it be done.

4 Comments

  1. Amber on August 17, 2011 at 10:45 am

    prayers here, too



  2. Joy on August 17, 2011 at 3:13 pm

    Oh man. I get it. Continuing to pray with you guys…



  3. Phoebe on August 24, 2011 at 10:18 am

    Thankful, every time I check in to catch up on your blog. I want you to know that it is such an encouragement in despite of frailties. Pressing toward the goal, with prayer…keeping you all in mind. He makes beauty out of ashes!