for the day the calendar says it's been 8 years.

by Matt MooneyOctober 27, 2014

Today, I will go to the same restaurant,
being sure to walk the same route- as best I can remember.
And that’s just it, I hate myself for forgetting something about that day-
but I can’t recall, what I can’t recall.
about the day that changed it all.

I tell myself to let it go, but that only serves to swell the guilt.
I can picture well his almond eyes.
But I’m not sure if that is from the pictures or actually stolen from those cherished moments I beheld them.

There is no way to love those gone in a way that feels right.
I am a bumbling awkward teen asking a girl to dance- it is painful to watch.
But just like the teen, I push away logic to reach for something grander.

Love does not go the way you thought.
It never sticks to script.
It winds and curves and heads straightway where you never wanted to go.

The ones you love will leave you, if you do not leave first.
The world around us is straining to stave off this truth.
Scurrying to control and protect and preserve.

But love is in the risking.
Acknowledging a flickering illumination of things beyond this world.
Love runs wild-eyed into the flames.
While those nearby warm themselves and wish for a love like that.

Today, I will go to the same restaurant,
being sure to walk the same route- as best I can remember.
Because I loved him.

 

11 Comments

  1. John Ray on October 27, 2014 at 12:11 pm

    Because you love him still and because you keep charging into the flames.

  2. Brenda Polson on October 27, 2014 at 12:17 pm

    Dear Matt, I work at the hospital and was helping in your room the day little Eliot was born. There’s much I can tell you from my perspective of that day in July. It was one of those crazy busy days at work…everytime we turned around we had another laboring mom admitted! We scurried from room to room barely staying ahead of the demands. We had missed our lunch and bathroom breaks and now it was close to dinner time. We were stressed to the max!
    At the beginning of each shift, we get report on each patient that includes all of the important information (blood type, conditions, etc) plus any special instructions the patient may have requested. The patient 2 doors away from you had given very specific orders to not be given her baby until he was “cleaned up”.
    I was helping in your room as it was almost time for delivery but got called away to assist in the OTHER room first. There a healthy baby was delivered and we assessed, cleaned him at the warmer then swaddled him to present to his waiting parents. The mom’s smile quickly turned to a scowl as she noticed some “white stuff” still on his little ear and refused to take him into her arms. Wow.
    I hurried back to your room and within minutes your son was delivered…in our report we had been told his condition so we were prepared for sadness at his delivery. At the moment that you first laid eyes on him I saw the look in YOUR eyes! It was not sadness! It was pure joy! It was love! He was beautiful and he was your son!
    Then I turned back to your wife, who was still being taken care of by the dr, and she grabbed my hand and with tears streaming down her face said, “His name is Eliot, with one T!”
    We see a lot working in that area but I have never seen anything more beautiful than that! I shared that story of the 2 delivery rooms many times to friends then a couple of years ago, I heard of the 99 Balloons and when I saw the name of Eliot (with one T), I knew it was your story. I’ve wanted to write you before today. I hope this isn’t the wrong time.
    I’m praying for you today. What a miracle that one little life can touch so MANY! Love, Brenda

  3. Dr. G. on October 27, 2014 at 2:55 pm

    Eliot fulfilled his God-given purpose and we can all be encouraged that he’s having a better day than any of us in the presence of his Savior. While it doesn’t help with the hurt and the longing in the here and now, it’s important to remember that the separation is temporary and you and Ginny WILL be with Eliot again.

    In the meantime, I suspect Eliot is pretty proud of his parents.

  4. Carrie Uberecken on October 27, 2014 at 2:59 pm

    Remembering. Love to you!

  5. Debbie on October 27, 2014 at 4:33 pm

    Matt and Ginny my eyes fill with tears for the grief you feel of the loss of a child I never met, but my heart is filled with joy for all I have read, heard and experienced from that little boy I never knew. He is with Jesus and little Eliot is well now and looking down with wonder and awe in all that has been accomplished in his/His name. You are both an inspiration to all who meet you! You shine with the light of God! Love in Him Debbie

  6. Sara Terral on October 27, 2014 at 7:09 pm

    Thinking of all of you and remembering Eliot today.

  7. Josh on October 31, 2014 at 8:13 am

    SFG

  8. Josh on October 31, 2014 at 8:16 am

    Thank you, Brenda.

    Eliot (with one t) is such a little badass.

  9. Matthew Mooney on November 6, 2014 at 9:13 am

    Brenda,

    Wow! I cannot tell you how thankful I am that you have shared it with us. It was perfect timing. Thank you. Reliving that moment through your words was a gift to us.

  10. Jackie on November 14, 2014 at 1:07 pm

    For Matt and Ginny:

    Thank you for sharing the story of your son, and your testimony of how God worked through it all. Our sweet little Naomi was born with Trisomy 13 almost 2 years ago now. She lived for 54 days, and our story is similar to yours in many ways – but she was our first girl after 3 healthy boys. (We were shocked to find out that I was a carrier) A nurse in the hospital told me about the 99 balloons video, and it articulated so well what we were feeling, so thank you again for sharing it. Like you with Eliot, we have been forever changed (for the better) by the life of our little girl, and we were amazed to see the way that God used her to touch so many lives around us. Thinking of you and praying for you at this time as you remember.

    “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Cor 12:9

    Blessings to you and your family,
    (Cordell )& Jackie Campbell

  11. Fiorella on June 6, 2015 at 8:09 pm

    Hi,

    My name is Fiorella, I’m 29 years old and my husband and I just had a baby girl with T-18.
    My Emma was born in april 29th.
    I would like to know more about Eliot’s life, maybe it can help us.
    We are from Peru.

    Thank you!!!

Leave a Comment





Today, I will go to the same restaurant,
being sure to walk the same route- as best I can remember.
And that’s just it, I hate myself for forgetting something about that day-
but I can’t recall, what I can’t recall.
about the day that changed it all.

I tell myself to let it go, but that only serves to swell the guilt.
I can picture well his almond eyes.
But I’m not sure if that is from the pictures or actually stolen from those cherished moments I beheld them.

There is no way to love those gone in a way that feels right.
I am a bumbling awkward teen asking a girl to dance- it is painful to watch.
But just like the teen, I push away logic to reach for something grander.

Love does not go the way you thought.
It never sticks to script.
It winds and curves and heads straightway where you never wanted to go.

The ones you love will leave you, if you do not leave first.
The world around us is straining to stave off this truth.
Scurrying to control and protect and preserve.

But love is in the risking.
Acknowledging a flickering illumination of things beyond this world.
Love runs wild-eyed into the flames.
While those nearby warm themselves and wish for a love like that.

Today, I will go to the same restaurant,
being sure to walk the same route- as best I can remember.
Because I loved him.

 

11 Comments

  1. John Ray on October 27, 2014 at 12:11 pm

    Because you love him still and because you keep charging into the flames.

  2. Brenda Polson on October 27, 2014 at 12:17 pm

    Dear Matt, I work at the hospital and was helping in your room the day little Eliot was born. There’s much I can tell you from my perspective of that day in July. It was one of those crazy busy days at work…everytime we turned around we had another laboring mom admitted! We scurried from room to room barely staying ahead of the demands. We had missed our lunch and bathroom breaks and now it was close to dinner time. We were stressed to the max!
    At the beginning of each shift, we get report on each patient that includes all of the important information (blood type, conditions, etc) plus any special instructions the patient may have requested. The patient 2 doors away from you had given very specific orders to not be given her baby until he was “cleaned up”.
    I was helping in your room as it was almost time for delivery but got called away to assist in the OTHER room first. There a healthy baby was delivered and we assessed, cleaned him at the warmer then swaddled him to present to his waiting parents. The mom’s smile quickly turned to a scowl as she noticed some “white stuff” still on his little ear and refused to take him into her arms. Wow.
    I hurried back to your room and within minutes your son was delivered…in our report we had been told his condition so we were prepared for sadness at his delivery. At the moment that you first laid eyes on him I saw the look in YOUR eyes! It was not sadness! It was pure joy! It was love! He was beautiful and he was your son!
    Then I turned back to your wife, who was still being taken care of by the dr, and she grabbed my hand and with tears streaming down her face said, “His name is Eliot, with one T!”
    We see a lot working in that area but I have never seen anything more beautiful than that! I shared that story of the 2 delivery rooms many times to friends then a couple of years ago, I heard of the 99 Balloons and when I saw the name of Eliot (with one T), I knew it was your story. I’ve wanted to write you before today. I hope this isn’t the wrong time.
    I’m praying for you today. What a miracle that one little life can touch so MANY! Love, Brenda

  3. Dr. G. on October 27, 2014 at 2:55 pm

    Eliot fulfilled his God-given purpose and we can all be encouraged that he’s having a better day than any of us in the presence of his Savior. While it doesn’t help with the hurt and the longing in the here and now, it’s important to remember that the separation is temporary and you and Ginny WILL be with Eliot again.

    In the meantime, I suspect Eliot is pretty proud of his parents.

  4. Carrie Uberecken on October 27, 2014 at 2:59 pm

    Remembering. Love to you!

  5. Debbie on October 27, 2014 at 4:33 pm

    Matt and Ginny my eyes fill with tears for the grief you feel of the loss of a child I never met, but my heart is filled with joy for all I have read, heard and experienced from that little boy I never knew. He is with Jesus and little Eliot is well now and looking down with wonder and awe in all that has been accomplished in his/His name. You are both an inspiration to all who meet you! You shine with the light of God! Love in Him Debbie

  6. Sara Terral on October 27, 2014 at 7:09 pm

    Thinking of all of you and remembering Eliot today.

  7. Josh on October 31, 2014 at 8:13 am

    SFG

  8. Josh on October 31, 2014 at 8:16 am

    Thank you, Brenda.

    Eliot (with one t) is such a little badass.

  9. Matthew Mooney on November 6, 2014 at 9:13 am

    Brenda,

    Wow! I cannot tell you how thankful I am that you have shared it with us. It was perfect timing. Thank you. Reliving that moment through your words was a gift to us.

  10. Jackie on November 14, 2014 at 1:07 pm

    For Matt and Ginny:

    Thank you for sharing the story of your son, and your testimony of how God worked through it all. Our sweet little Naomi was born with Trisomy 13 almost 2 years ago now. She lived for 54 days, and our story is similar to yours in many ways – but she was our first girl after 3 healthy boys. (We were shocked to find out that I was a carrier) A nurse in the hospital told me about the 99 balloons video, and it articulated so well what we were feeling, so thank you again for sharing it. Like you with Eliot, we have been forever changed (for the better) by the life of our little girl, and we were amazed to see the way that God used her to touch so many lives around us. Thinking of you and praying for you at this time as you remember.

    “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Cor 12:9

    Blessings to you and your family,
    (Cordell )& Jackie Campbell

  11. Fiorella on June 6, 2015 at 8:09 pm

    Hi,

    My name is Fiorella, I’m 29 years old and my husband and I just had a baby girl with T-18.
    My Emma was born in april 29th.
    I would like to know more about Eliot’s life, maybe it can help us.
    We are from Peru.

    Thank you!!!

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