For the ones that don't know

by Matt MooneySeptember 25, 2012

Dublin was busy and beautiful, and I can say that I really do love my family more than I love to travel.  But it was great, and I was honored to speak on cultivating a culture of life as well as the worth of each and every individual.

I had a brief conversation this week that brought an old-friend-of-an-idea back into my mind.  The blip that came upon the radar screen known as my brain was a familiar notion that everyone seems to have a plan and everyone seems to know what it is they are doing- both now & in the future.  I was never one of these.  My life looks something akin to this:

Graduate with a business degree- in order to do youth ministry.
Marry the only girl that ever fancied me hot stuff.
4 yrs of the youth seemed enough.
No idea where to next; just that we had to go- to Nashville.
6 months in Nashville; no job to be found.  Lots of tears & sandwiches.
I got it, I’ll go to law school (unsure of actually wanting to be a lawyer).
Pregnant.  Eliot.  Grief.
Back to finish law school.  Graduate an attorney.
Go work at my church as well as in consulting- nothing law at all.
Pregnant.  Hazel.  Pregnant.  Anders.
Jump into 99 Balloons as a job ’cause I think I need to & know I want to.
Adopt Lena.

Okay, we can all agree that was a little unnecessary and completely narcissistic, but to the few of you who made it through- stay around, I am going somewhere.  There’s a lot of nuance hidden in that pathetic description of some wonderful and trying years in which I aged from 21 to 35.  But here’s what’s not there.  A plan.  An answer for the world that quizzed me on where it was I thought I was going.  My parents quit asking- God bless them.  My wife quit finding comfort in the answers I offered.  And I quit offering answers.

And now I am at a place where all seems still- even if but for a moment.  I am settling in a bit- possibly for the first time ever & I am not going to pretend that it is not a bit uncomfortable- as, over the years, I have become most comfortable with the things that give others hives.  But- here is where I find me.  And I am just now at a place where others are beginning to congratulate me on the path that my life has taken.  But that is new.  And they did not do so when I was 28 & folding sweaters at the Gap in Nashville, wondering why life seemed so much easier for all of those around me- the ones that were working a plan.

My plans always became punch lines before the ink dried  on the steno pad of my mind.

I write this out only to give hope to another who finds himself rowing upstream-unsure of where the boat is headed.  It is hard work to go against the tide- even harder when one cannot explain why it is they feel the insatiable urge to row this way in the first place.

No one could of told me 6 years ago that I would be working for an organization that Ginny & I started; one that works with children with special needs.  No one could have told me how great it all would be.  How low the ebbs would take us.  There are things we must live.  Those things that would never make the plan.

So if you find yourself a bit untethered, being asked incessantly what your plan is and stumbling over your own words to give them what they want.  Take heart.  In the end, the ones with plans are often disappointed, while the ones without them smile at surprises.

Many are the plans in a person’s heart,
but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.
(prov 19:21)

8,504 Comments

  1. Lyndsey on September 25, 2012 at 9:03 pm

    I LOVED this post and completely relate to it. I could do my own timeline, though I’ll spare you that, and it would look somewhat similar to your’s, mainly in taking steps I feel are the right ones (law school = a great example), but not ending up doing what I thought I’d do when I started. This was a wonderful read.



  2. Phoebe on September 25, 2012 at 9:43 pm

    Some wise Christian lady told me once ” it’s ok not to know” pretty pertinent right ?



  3. Scott Ramsey on September 25, 2012 at 10:51 pm

    You’re a swell guy, Matt Mooney.



  4. Matt Mooney on September 26, 2012 at 9:13 am

    Scott,

    It was our conversation. But you probably figured that out.
    Look forward to where you row.



  5. Petite Diva on September 27, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    This speaks to me on so many levels. Thanks for giving those of us who are still rowing a glimpse of what is possible and the hope that although we do not know what lies ahead, it is still worth the effort. Thank you very much.



  6. ed on September 28, 2012 at 11:36 am

    wow!!!!
    I’m a 35 year old without a plan, without a religion and I am becoming addicted to this blog. Powerful stuff.



  7. Martha on October 2, 2012 at 9:00 pm

    so good. always so so good.



  8. becca on October 23, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    yeah for surprises!



  9. Kimberly Constant on October 24, 2012 at 12:26 am

    Hi Matt,
    I’ve followed your blog for a really long time now, but I don’t think I’ve ever posted! Well this post makes me want to post :). Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I’ve been busy lately and haven’t checked the blog in a while so I’m just reading this, and wow, is it a word to my heart. I am on a crazy path (starting seminary at the age of 35 while trying to serve my family as a stay at home mom to 4 kids) and I don’t know where it is going or if I really even want to be doing this at all . . . all I know is God called me to it so I’m fighting hard to stay in His shadow. But it all feels way out of control. Scary. Hard. Requiring lots of sacrifice from the ones that I love the most. Obedience seems to be the key.
    Anyway, it was so nice to read these words. I may not have a plan, but He does.
    Blessings,
    Kimberly



  10. Sarah Bogus on February 24, 2013 at 7:35 am

    Thank you very much! In everything that you writte, Matt, there is a truth to someone to find. In this particular post, there is mine. And I thank you for that.



Dublin was busy and beautiful, and I can say that I really do love my family more than I love to travel.  But it was great, and I was honored to speak on cultivating a culture of life as well as the worth of each and every individual.

I had a brief conversation this week that brought an old-friend-of-an-idea back into my mind.  The blip that came upon the radar screen known as my brain was a familiar notion that everyone seems to have a plan and everyone seems to know what it is they are doing- both now & in the future.  I was never one of these.  My life looks something akin to this:

Graduate with a business degree- in order to do youth ministry.
Marry the only girl that ever fancied me hot stuff.
4 yrs of the youth seemed enough.
No idea where to next; just that we had to go- to Nashville.
6 months in Nashville; no job to be found.  Lots of tears & sandwiches.
I got it, I’ll go to law school (unsure of actually wanting to be a lawyer).
Pregnant.  Eliot.  Grief.
Back to finish law school.  Graduate an attorney.
Go work at my church as well as in consulting- nothing law at all.
Pregnant.  Hazel.  Pregnant.  Anders.
Jump into 99 Balloons as a job ’cause I think I need to & know I want to.
Adopt Lena.

Okay, we can all agree that was a little unnecessary and completely narcissistic, but to the few of you who made it through- stay around, I am going somewhere.  There’s a lot of nuance hidden in that pathetic description of some wonderful and trying years in which I aged from 21 to 35.  But here’s what’s not there.  A plan.  An answer for the world that quizzed me on where it was I thought I was going.  My parents quit asking- God bless them.  My wife quit finding comfort in the answers I offered.  And I quit offering answers.

And now I am at a place where all seems still- even if but for a moment.  I am settling in a bit- possibly for the first time ever & I am not going to pretend that it is not a bit uncomfortable- as, over the years, I have become most comfortable with the things that give others hives.  But- here is where I find me.  And I am just now at a place where others are beginning to congratulate me on the path that my life has taken.  But that is new.  And they did not do so when I was 28 & folding sweaters at the Gap in Nashville, wondering why life seemed so much easier for all of those around me- the ones that were working a plan.

My plans always became punch lines before the ink dried  on the steno pad of my mind.

I write this out only to give hope to another who finds himself rowing upstream-unsure of where the boat is headed.  It is hard work to go against the tide- even harder when one cannot explain why it is they feel the insatiable urge to row this way in the first place.

No one could of told me 6 years ago that I would be working for an organization that Ginny & I started; one that works with children with special needs.  No one could have told me how great it all would be.  How low the ebbs would take us.  There are things we must live.  Those things that would never make the plan.

So if you find yourself a bit untethered, being asked incessantly what your plan is and stumbling over your own words to give them what they want.  Take heart.  In the end, the ones with plans are often disappointed, while the ones without them smile at surprises.

Many are the plans in a person’s heart,
but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.
(prov 19:21)

8,504 Comments

  1. Lyndsey on September 25, 2012 at 9:03 pm

    I LOVED this post and completely relate to it. I could do my own timeline, though I’ll spare you that, and it would look somewhat similar to your’s, mainly in taking steps I feel are the right ones (law school = a great example), but not ending up doing what I thought I’d do when I started. This was a wonderful read.



  2. Phoebe on September 25, 2012 at 9:43 pm

    Some wise Christian lady told me once ” it’s ok not to know” pretty pertinent right ?



  3. Scott Ramsey on September 25, 2012 at 10:51 pm

    You’re a swell guy, Matt Mooney.



  4. Matt Mooney on September 26, 2012 at 9:13 am

    Scott,

    It was our conversation. But you probably figured that out.
    Look forward to where you row.



  5. Petite Diva on September 27, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    This speaks to me on so many levels. Thanks for giving those of us who are still rowing a glimpse of what is possible and the hope that although we do not know what lies ahead, it is still worth the effort. Thank you very much.



  6. ed on September 28, 2012 at 11:36 am

    wow!!!!
    I’m a 35 year old without a plan, without a religion and I am becoming addicted to this blog. Powerful stuff.



  7. Martha on October 2, 2012 at 9:00 pm

    so good. always so so good.



  8. becca on October 23, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    yeah for surprises!



  9. Kimberly Constant on October 24, 2012 at 12:26 am

    Hi Matt,
    I’ve followed your blog for a really long time now, but I don’t think I’ve ever posted! Well this post makes me want to post :). Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I’ve been busy lately and haven’t checked the blog in a while so I’m just reading this, and wow, is it a word to my heart. I am on a crazy path (starting seminary at the age of 35 while trying to serve my family as a stay at home mom to 4 kids) and I don’t know where it is going or if I really even want to be doing this at all . . . all I know is God called me to it so I’m fighting hard to stay in His shadow. But it all feels way out of control. Scary. Hard. Requiring lots of sacrifice from the ones that I love the most. Obedience seems to be the key.
    Anyway, it was so nice to read these words. I may not have a plan, but He does.
    Blessings,
    Kimberly



  10. Sarah Bogus on February 24, 2013 at 7:35 am

    Thank you very much! In everything that you writte, Matt, there is a truth to someone to find. In this particular post, there is mine. And I thank you for that.