my New Year's resolution for you

by Matt MooneyJanuary 3, 2014

writer

I am a verbal processor.

As far as I can tell, this means I need people to sit and listen to my ideas in order for me to actually have any. To be honest, often I don’t need their feedback (though in my adulthood I have learned to pretend as such, cause no one likes a one-sided conversation; that is except for me when I am on the one side).  I mean I don’t necessarily like this about myself, folks, but this doesn’t make it any less true. I need another’s ear to have a brain.

As one can imagine, poor Ginny is constantly trying to assess whether this is needs feedback Matt or just needs a listening ear Matt.  This is one of many reasons I have befriended writing. It is a process- one which allows for epiphanies formerly reserved for happenstance conversations.  The act has allowed formerly random occurrences (ideas, insight, introspection) to become a discipline instead.

I sit.  I write.  I shoehorn myself into silence.  And I find myself contemplating those things that were lying under the surface- typically because I was sitting on them with the full weight of my new Christmas gift- a gut.  Cause we are a funny people.  I am prone to busy myself avoiding the very things I know I need to deal with.

My sin.  My angst.  My gut.

(It’s just a joke everyone; I have many issues. Self-esteem is currently not one of them).

But it’s not just idea-formation that writing has birthed. As I refer to within the pages of A Story Unfinished (which I am currently giving away at Goodreads) it is writing that has allowed me to point to a sentence that I have formed and say,

Yes, that is as close to how I feel as anything I have ever seen or heard; it’s not deadeye, but it’s near and it’s honest and it’s where I am at- though I may not stay.

And I can’t help but realize that many of you have now slotted me as a harrier Dr. Phil.

But until we are honest with ourselves and with others at a deep level, we cannot expect to change; allowing ourselves to be held captive by a seductive, willful-blindness toward our current reality only deepens the hold of who we were instead of reaching for who we are to be.  I am still naive enough to hope.  Stupid enough to not give up on  myself or on you.

In 2014, I am becoming more of who I believe God has created me to be.  Not because he needs a better version of me for Himself or for the world.  But because my joy is bound up in stepping further into who He says I am; the version of me I struggle to see without the gullible eyes of faith.

For me, taking hold of this nebulous idea of self is tethered to the concrete disciplines of silence, stillness and writing.  So, for those of you who have not already sworn off cake or coffee nor vowed to run or forgive or some cliche’ notion we both know you’ll forego by Valentine’s.

I invite you to write.  Not for an audience, but for you.  Not one time, but for a season.

In a bombarding world of excess and a culture esteeming fanciful preoccupations, I encourage you to less.  To boldly buck the bureaucracy of the busy and take out a pen or a pencil or a keyboard and start writing.  For it is this that has saved what remains of my sanity (and possibly my marriage)

[if you happen to take me up on this invitation, let me know via comment, email [matt(at)99balloons(dot)org] or smoke signal and we’ll see what forms….a book study? a ragtag community? or who knows what.]

15 Comments

  1. John Ray on January 5, 2014 at 9:13 am

    Sharing part of this with those who brave the weather and gather at Grace Church this morning. Thanks for the sermon help brother.



    • matt mooney on January 10, 2014 at 12:55 pm

      John,
      listened in on the message…so appreciate you for willing to push people place we all avoid



  2. Susan Tharel on January 5, 2014 at 12:04 pm

    *smoke signal*



    • matt mooney on January 10, 2014 at 12:54 pm

      Susan,
      I’ll be in touch soon…YES!



  3. Joy Primm on January 6, 2014 at 3:18 pm

    Matt! I was just on the phone telling Seth that I was currently writing (something I seldom do) because earlier I was having some heavy thoughts and all of a sudden thought “I should really write these out.” As I was telling Seth this, he goes, “Oh, did you read Matt’s blog?” And I was like, “no, why?” And now I see why 🙂 I could’ve written this post…verbal processor, need listening ears for my brain to work, etc. Totally me too. And I love the immediate validation God gave me through your post that yes, I should write. So great. Thanks for writing this.



    • matt mooney on January 10, 2014 at 12:54 pm

      Joy, I’ll be in touch soon!



writer

I am a verbal processor.

As far as I can tell, this means I need people to sit and listen to my ideas in order for me to actually have any. To be honest, often I don’t need their feedback (though in my adulthood I have learned to pretend as such, cause no one likes a one-sided conversation; that is except for me when I am on the one side).  I mean I don’t necessarily like this about myself, folks, but this doesn’t make it any less true. I need another’s ear to have a brain.

As one can imagine, poor Ginny is constantly trying to assess whether this is needs feedback Matt or just needs a listening ear Matt.  This is one of many reasons I have befriended writing. It is a process- one which allows for epiphanies formerly reserved for happenstance conversations.  The act has allowed formerly random occurrences (ideas, insight, introspection) to become a discipline instead.

I sit.  I write.  I shoehorn myself into silence.  And I find myself contemplating those things that were lying under the surface- typically because I was sitting on them with the full weight of my new Christmas gift- a gut.  Cause we are a funny people.  I am prone to busy myself avoiding the very things I know I need to deal with.

My sin.  My angst.  My gut.

(It’s just a joke everyone; I have many issues. Self-esteem is currently not one of them).

But it’s not just idea-formation that writing has birthed. As I refer to within the pages of A Story Unfinished (which I am currently giving away at Goodreads) it is writing that has allowed me to point to a sentence that I have formed and say,

Yes, that is as close to how I feel as anything I have ever seen or heard; it’s not deadeye, but it’s near and it’s honest and it’s where I am at- though I may not stay.

And I can’t help but realize that many of you have now slotted me as a harrier Dr. Phil.

But until we are honest with ourselves and with others at a deep level, we cannot expect to change; allowing ourselves to be held captive by a seductive, willful-blindness toward our current reality only deepens the hold of who we were instead of reaching for who we are to be.  I am still naive enough to hope.  Stupid enough to not give up on  myself or on you.

In 2014, I am becoming more of who I believe God has created me to be.  Not because he needs a better version of me for Himself or for the world.  But because my joy is bound up in stepping further into who He says I am; the version of me I struggle to see without the gullible eyes of faith.

For me, taking hold of this nebulous idea of self is tethered to the concrete disciplines of silence, stillness and writing.  So, for those of you who have not already sworn off cake or coffee nor vowed to run or forgive or some cliche’ notion we both know you’ll forego by Valentine’s.

I invite you to write.  Not for an audience, but for you.  Not one time, but for a season.

In a bombarding world of excess and a culture esteeming fanciful preoccupations, I encourage you to less.  To boldly buck the bureaucracy of the busy and take out a pen or a pencil or a keyboard and start writing.  For it is this that has saved what remains of my sanity (and possibly my marriage)

[if you happen to take me up on this invitation, let me know via comment, email [matt(at)99balloons(dot)org] or smoke signal and we’ll see what forms….a book study? a ragtag community? or who knows what.]

15 Comments

  1. John Ray on January 5, 2014 at 9:13 am

    Sharing part of this with those who brave the weather and gather at Grace Church this morning. Thanks for the sermon help brother.



    • matt mooney on January 10, 2014 at 12:55 pm

      John,
      listened in on the message…so appreciate you for willing to push people place we all avoid



  2. Susan Tharel on January 5, 2014 at 12:04 pm

    *smoke signal*



    • matt mooney on January 10, 2014 at 12:54 pm

      Susan,
      I’ll be in touch soon…YES!



  3. Joy Primm on January 6, 2014 at 3:18 pm

    Matt! I was just on the phone telling Seth that I was currently writing (something I seldom do) because earlier I was having some heavy thoughts and all of a sudden thought “I should really write these out.” As I was telling Seth this, he goes, “Oh, did you read Matt’s blog?” And I was like, “no, why?” And now I see why 🙂 I could’ve written this post…verbal processor, need listening ears for my brain to work, etc. Totally me too. And I love the immediate validation God gave me through your post that yes, I should write. So great. Thanks for writing this.



    • matt mooney on January 10, 2014 at 12:54 pm

      Joy, I’ll be in touch soon!