our toddler Christmas wish list:: a letter to the grandparents

by Matt MooneyDecember 11, 2013

Christmas is a time for tradition, so below is the letter to grandparents from last year…

After much cussing and discussion on Christmas’ nearness, Gin and I spent some time hashing out how we were going to do Christmas different.  Everyone I know wants Christmas to be more meaningful and less hijacked.  Turning that desire into action has been another thing altogether.  In order to align our thoughts and our own families, we wrote a letter to both of our parents.  Now you gotta know some things before the following letter will make sense to you.  Gin and I both have unbelievable parents.  To say we are blessed in this department is akin to saying Tebow’s biceps are a smidge larger than my own.

They give and serve and love in ways that teach us so much.  But the letter was an attempt to relay that we were trying to take our family a different direction and we wanted them to push in the same direction.  I offer the letter up not as a template for your own family but as a possible encouragement to lead your own family intentionally.

Another thing you need to know is that when Ginny and I lost Eliot, we got the horrible gift of thinking and hoping how we would one day do it.  We watched others, jotting down notes on how-to and how-not-to, longing to put them in play one day…. so we’re living our dream to get to implement our desires and best love and lead these little ones.  It’s long, there’s your warning.

_______________________

Dear Family,

This Christmas will, in all reality, be the first one for our little family of 5 (really 6).  Our kids are old enough to think, talk and take it all in, Lena is here & mom and dad are not out of the country.  With that said, I am writing this to you in order to help us this year as we seek to implement some ideas and emphasize the incarnation of God over some more common themes.

I want you to hear that this is not about being grinches.  We love Christmas and we love our kids and desire to show them our love in lavish ways and with lavish gifts.  Also, we know that YOU love our kids, and they love you.  And the truth- because of their affections for you- is that we are fighting a losing battle if you are not with us.  Please join with us in this journey and help us.  After all, you did raise us and you obviously did a great job with that.

Some of this is due to the fact that you have more money than we do; our current reality is stretching our budget.  But we like it, and we have never wanted for a thing.  And we want our kids to bear up under where God has placed us as well.  As you know, you all are the kind to help, and we are not the kind to ask for it.  So, some of these thoughts reflect that we are in a place to sometimes be very practical, and by following our ideas, you can be a huge help.

Have we over-thought this? Probably.  Are we naïve and will we change as they age? Definitely.  But we would rather go down trying too hard to convey the one real love than assimilate out of ease and miss an opportunity to point to something better than the world offers.

Ginny and I have been talking for years about our intentions to be intentional with our family during the holidays as well as with each day that our kids spend under our roof.  The truth is that though we have these wishes for the holidays, we never seem to see them actually realized and walk away having not lead our children in the ways we desire.  That ends this Christmas.

To help you- and honestly us- better understand what we’re talking about, I’ve developed the following.  More guidelines than rules; we hope that the essence of our hopes and desires for the holidays (and beyond) are communicated below:

Intentionally Different.
For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few. (Matthew 7:14)

It is Ginny & I’s firm belief that our default settings- no matter how well intentioned and even within the arena of parenting- are programmed by the world around us- the water in which we swim.  If we want our children to not reflect the world around us- the world surrounding them- then we must take the wheel and swerve off the usual paths at pointed times on the journey.
Without choosing how and what we will do different, we are choosing to follow, which ultimately leads our children nowhere near where we intended to take them.  There is resistance when you swerve; it is harder when you swerve.  It is inconvenient; it is work; it is weird.

We’re swerving.  Sorry for the inconvenience.

Gifts:
Christmas:
If you get Christmas gifts for our children, let’s do no more than four (of course you can get fewer).  Stick to the following list as to parameters for the gifts:
• Something You Want::
• Something You Need::
• Something to Wear::
• Something to Read::
(I stole this from Jen Hatmaker who probably stole it from someone else, but that link is a great resource)
Let us know if you need ideas in any of those areas.
The kids will get to give away anything that exceeds this.
We have a stocking for Eliot in which we let the kids pick stuff to put in there and we give away…so if you want (or just can’t stop at 4), buy stuff for Eliot’s stocking and we’ll give it away.

Birthdays:
Memories trump gifts:
In addition, for birthdays, we are asking that you design for them an EXPERIENCE with you instead of getting them gifts.  It could be a sleep-over, a special day with you, a man-day for Anders, a manicure for Hazel….you get the idea.  Spend time with them and tell them how unique and wonderfully made they are.  Tell them that a birthday is worth celebrating because God does good work.  If you must get them a gift, limit it to 1 gift please.

Investments trump broken toys:
Also, for birthdays we would ask that you consider taking the money that you would have spent on gifts and put it in their college fund instead or a fund you create for them if you want.

Lena:
For Lena, instead of a college fund, birthdays would be a great time to get her a piece of equipment or something for her in our house that we could otherwise not get.  Maybe we could all pull together for something for her if needed.
***** Also, we invite you to break all the rules for Lena’s upcoming 6th birthday because her first 5 birthdays were not celebrated, and at times such as these….rules are made to be broken.

Quality trumps Quantity:
With everything you purchase, we would ask that it break less and last more.   This is more expensive, we know.  But think this way…. 1 wooden train trumps 4 plastic things.  This is so that the kids can give their toys away when they are done with them.  Quarterly, Ginny asks the kids to pair down their stash so other children can have things to play with.  It’s nice if we can actually give things away rather than have to throw them away.

THE SANTA CLAUSE:
This is more a- just so you know- one.  It’s not something we’re asking you to memorize & not veer from or even be sure to say.  Rather, just know that this is what we’re saying and if you’re saying something completely different, then they’ll have to decide whose lying…which, in the end, will be you 🙂

We say that Santa is a story that reminds us about Saint Nick, and Saint Nick was a real person that gave gifts to those in need because of his love for Jesus.   We have a VeggieTale movie that tells of Saint Nick and you can learn more about him here if you need.

If pressed- and, of course we are by Hazel- we say that Santa is not real but that it is not our job to go and tell every child that fact.  It is something we keep to our self.  Other than that, anytime we’re talking a lot about Santa we figure it’s a good opportunity to remind them of what Christmas actually is….a time where we celebrate when God came to earth by being born as a baby named Jesus.

Advent::
Ginny is leading the kids through very simple, daily devotionals in order to help us anticipate the coming of Christ together.  (Ginny is adapting this resource from Ann Voskamp).  That is where we desire to place the spotlight.  God became man and that changed everything.  And we should eat and drink and receive and give and celebrate together….because He is Emmanuel- God with us.

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us (John 1:14)

Again, more for us than you.
Thanks for loving us all so well.

_______________

6,078 Comments

  1. Katie Wetherbee on December 11, 2013 at 10:29 pm

    Love this, Matt! Thanks so much. We limit gifts, too…our tradition has been that our kids each get three gifts. (Jesus got three gifts when He was born…gold, frankincense and myrrh…so if 3 gifts are good enough for Jesus, then 3 are good for our kids, too!) Merry Christmas to your whole crew.



    • matt mooney on December 12, 2013 at 3:47 pm

      Thanks Katie. Merry Christmas.



  2. Ben Richards on December 12, 2013 at 10:28 am

    Awesome. Thanks Matt I love this.



    • matt mooney on December 12, 2013 at 3:48 pm

      Ben, shouldn’t you be writing?



  3. Tracy Mann on December 12, 2013 at 11:43 am

    I adore this post. We don’t even have kids yet, but we have already discussed ways of renovating even our own Christmas expectations, celebrations, and purposes, even for ourselves and extended family. Bravo!



    • matt mooney on December 12, 2013 at 3:47 pm

      Thanks Tracy…I look forward to hearing your ideas cause I know you’ll knock it out of the park.



  4. Karen Yates on December 12, 2013 at 11:04 pm

    Matt, I really appreciate this. What thoughtful parents you and Ginny are! Curtis and I have long talked {and pursued} ways to keep Christmas simple, to minimize the material and boost up the spiritual. I especially like what you say about creating memories — forgoing gifts and instead creating memories together where the grandparent speaks love, acceptance, wisdom, and legacy into our kiddos. So so good.



  5. Anita Wyatt on December 16, 2013 at 12:02 pm

    Matt, Thank you for sharing your letter. We celebrate Christmas very similarly to you guys. We were able to [strategically] share the VT St. Nicholas movie with our 11 year old neighbor the other day. She had no idea why they celebrated Christmas. I was stunned. Just a warning; if Hazel ever does feel compelled to share “the truth” about the jolly ol’ man feel free to consult with Wayne. He recently had to contact another parent after Ainsley broke the news at school (even though we talked extensive about NOT telling others). I hope someday she has the courage to share Christ under the same compulsion. Blessings to your family this Christmas!



Christmas is a time for tradition, so below is the letter to grandparents from last year…

After much cussing and discussion on Christmas’ nearness, Gin and I spent some time hashing out how we were going to do Christmas different.  Everyone I know wants Christmas to be more meaningful and less hijacked.  Turning that desire into action has been another thing altogether.  In order to align our thoughts and our own families, we wrote a letter to both of our parents.  Now you gotta know some things before the following letter will make sense to you.  Gin and I both have unbelievable parents.  To say we are blessed in this department is akin to saying Tebow’s biceps are a smidge larger than my own.

They give and serve and love in ways that teach us so much.  But the letter was an attempt to relay that we were trying to take our family a different direction and we wanted them to push in the same direction.  I offer the letter up not as a template for your own family but as a possible encouragement to lead your own family intentionally.

Another thing you need to know is that when Ginny and I lost Eliot, we got the horrible gift of thinking and hoping how we would one day do it.  We watched others, jotting down notes on how-to and how-not-to, longing to put them in play one day…. so we’re living our dream to get to implement our desires and best love and lead these little ones.  It’s long, there’s your warning.

_______________________

Dear Family,

This Christmas will, in all reality, be the first one for our little family of 5 (really 6).  Our kids are old enough to think, talk and take it all in, Lena is here & mom and dad are not out of the country.  With that said, I am writing this to you in order to help us this year as we seek to implement some ideas and emphasize the incarnation of God over some more common themes.

I want you to hear that this is not about being grinches.  We love Christmas and we love our kids and desire to show them our love in lavish ways and with lavish gifts.  Also, we know that YOU love our kids, and they love you.  And the truth- because of their affections for you- is that we are fighting a losing battle if you are not with us.  Please join with us in this journey and help us.  After all, you did raise us and you obviously did a great job with that.

Some of this is due to the fact that you have more money than we do; our current reality is stretching our budget.  But we like it, and we have never wanted for a thing.  And we want our kids to bear up under where God has placed us as well.  As you know, you all are the kind to help, and we are not the kind to ask for it.  So, some of these thoughts reflect that we are in a place to sometimes be very practical, and by following our ideas, you can be a huge help.

Have we over-thought this? Probably.  Are we naïve and will we change as they age? Definitely.  But we would rather go down trying too hard to convey the one real love than assimilate out of ease and miss an opportunity to point to something better than the world offers.

Ginny and I have been talking for years about our intentions to be intentional with our family during the holidays as well as with each day that our kids spend under our roof.  The truth is that though we have these wishes for the holidays, we never seem to see them actually realized and walk away having not lead our children in the ways we desire.  That ends this Christmas.

To help you- and honestly us- better understand what we’re talking about, I’ve developed the following.  More guidelines than rules; we hope that the essence of our hopes and desires for the holidays (and beyond) are communicated below:

Intentionally Different.
For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few. (Matthew 7:14)

It is Ginny & I’s firm belief that our default settings- no matter how well intentioned and even within the arena of parenting- are programmed by the world around us- the water in which we swim.  If we want our children to not reflect the world around us- the world surrounding them- then we must take the wheel and swerve off the usual paths at pointed times on the journey.
Without choosing how and what we will do different, we are choosing to follow, which ultimately leads our children nowhere near where we intended to take them.  There is resistance when you swerve; it is harder when you swerve.  It is inconvenient; it is work; it is weird.

We’re swerving.  Sorry for the inconvenience.

Gifts:
Christmas:
If you get Christmas gifts for our children, let’s do no more than four (of course you can get fewer).  Stick to the following list as to parameters for the gifts:
• Something You Want::
• Something You Need::
• Something to Wear::
• Something to Read::
(I stole this from Jen Hatmaker who probably stole it from someone else, but that link is a great resource)
Let us know if you need ideas in any of those areas.
The kids will get to give away anything that exceeds this.
We have a stocking for Eliot in which we let the kids pick stuff to put in there and we give away…so if you want (or just can’t stop at 4), buy stuff for Eliot’s stocking and we’ll give it away.

Birthdays:
Memories trump gifts:
In addition, for birthdays, we are asking that you design for them an EXPERIENCE with you instead of getting them gifts.  It could be a sleep-over, a special day with you, a man-day for Anders, a manicure for Hazel….you get the idea.  Spend time with them and tell them how unique and wonderfully made they are.  Tell them that a birthday is worth celebrating because God does good work.  If you must get them a gift, limit it to 1 gift please.

Investments trump broken toys:
Also, for birthdays we would ask that you consider taking the money that you would have spent on gifts and put it in their college fund instead or a fund you create for them if you want.

Lena:
For Lena, instead of a college fund, birthdays would be a great time to get her a piece of equipment or something for her in our house that we could otherwise not get.  Maybe we could all pull together for something for her if needed.
***** Also, we invite you to break all the rules for Lena’s upcoming 6th birthday because her first 5 birthdays were not celebrated, and at times such as these….rules are made to be broken.

Quality trumps Quantity:
With everything you purchase, we would ask that it break less and last more.   This is more expensive, we know.  But think this way…. 1 wooden train trumps 4 plastic things.  This is so that the kids can give their toys away when they are done with them.  Quarterly, Ginny asks the kids to pair down their stash so other children can have things to play with.  It’s nice if we can actually give things away rather than have to throw them away.

THE SANTA CLAUSE:
This is more a- just so you know- one.  It’s not something we’re asking you to memorize & not veer from or even be sure to say.  Rather, just know that this is what we’re saying and if you’re saying something completely different, then they’ll have to decide whose lying…which, in the end, will be you 🙂

We say that Santa is a story that reminds us about Saint Nick, and Saint Nick was a real person that gave gifts to those in need because of his love for Jesus.   We have a VeggieTale movie that tells of Saint Nick and you can learn more about him here if you need.

If pressed- and, of course we are by Hazel- we say that Santa is not real but that it is not our job to go and tell every child that fact.  It is something we keep to our self.  Other than that, anytime we’re talking a lot about Santa we figure it’s a good opportunity to remind them of what Christmas actually is….a time where we celebrate when God came to earth by being born as a baby named Jesus.

Advent::
Ginny is leading the kids through very simple, daily devotionals in order to help us anticipate the coming of Christ together.  (Ginny is adapting this resource from Ann Voskamp).  That is where we desire to place the spotlight.  God became man and that changed everything.  And we should eat and drink and receive and give and celebrate together….because He is Emmanuel- God with us.

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us (John 1:14)

Again, more for us than you.
Thanks for loving us all so well.

_______________

6,078 Comments

  1. Katie Wetherbee on December 11, 2013 at 10:29 pm

    Love this, Matt! Thanks so much. We limit gifts, too…our tradition has been that our kids each get three gifts. (Jesus got three gifts when He was born…gold, frankincense and myrrh…so if 3 gifts are good enough for Jesus, then 3 are good for our kids, too!) Merry Christmas to your whole crew.



    • matt mooney on December 12, 2013 at 3:47 pm

      Thanks Katie. Merry Christmas.



  2. Ben Richards on December 12, 2013 at 10:28 am

    Awesome. Thanks Matt I love this.



    • matt mooney on December 12, 2013 at 3:48 pm

      Ben, shouldn’t you be writing?



  3. Tracy Mann on December 12, 2013 at 11:43 am

    I adore this post. We don’t even have kids yet, but we have already discussed ways of renovating even our own Christmas expectations, celebrations, and purposes, even for ourselves and extended family. Bravo!



    • matt mooney on December 12, 2013 at 3:47 pm

      Thanks Tracy…I look forward to hearing your ideas cause I know you’ll knock it out of the park.



  4. Karen Yates on December 12, 2013 at 11:04 pm

    Matt, I really appreciate this. What thoughtful parents you and Ginny are! Curtis and I have long talked {and pursued} ways to keep Christmas simple, to minimize the material and boost up the spiritual. I especially like what you say about creating memories — forgoing gifts and instead creating memories together where the grandparent speaks love, acceptance, wisdom, and legacy into our kiddos. So so good.



  5. Anita Wyatt on December 16, 2013 at 12:02 pm

    Matt, Thank you for sharing your letter. We celebrate Christmas very similarly to you guys. We were able to [strategically] share the VT St. Nicholas movie with our 11 year old neighbor the other day. She had no idea why they celebrated Christmas. I was stunned. Just a warning; if Hazel ever does feel compelled to share “the truth” about the jolly ol’ man feel free to consult with Wayne. He recently had to contact another parent after Ainsley broke the news at school (even though we talked extensive about NOT telling others). I hope someday she has the courage to share Christ under the same compulsion. Blessings to your family this Christmas!