Well, I am thrilled to say that Lena’s surgery is behind us. Thanks for the prayers and concern. She is a tough little girl. I do not mean this in any way lightly, but she would not have made it to our arms if she were not. For the most part, the surgery went fairly smooth. Her awakening from the anesthesia was anything but and we think that she awoke with the desire for Ukraine to her voice again. Ginny and I both had the cold sweats and tried to not maim the nearby staff. They were oh-so kind- all of them, but that doesn’t matter when your daughter is screaming.
Today was Eliot’s 6th birthday. We woke up singing with the kids, ate like kings for breakfast, went to the zoo with our amazing friend Cary and her two beloveds. We ate cupcakes, opened gifts and gathered round a book we have on Eliot’s life and told it all in glorious detail to the kids before bed. Oh yes, and our friend Josh flew into town to join us for breakfast and then flew back to work (yes, just to be with us on what he knows is a tough-good day). No, he is not a jet-setter; yes, he is that faithful.
Not gonna lie, it all has been a little rough and stressful; Ginny and I have been crossways a time or two with each other. Oh, and Old Crow Medicine Show is live less than a block from me right now, and it’s sold out, so I am blogging. Somehow I’ll manage without the Medicine, but back to the other. Yes, see we’re not perfect. We realistically anticipated the nature of taking the rascals on the road and the potential toll of Lena’s surgery. But, even after years, we just never know where our hearts are gonna go when our minds head straightway to missing him. And it sucks. I was hiding tears on the 3 mph zoo-train that putters its way through monkeys and rhinos. I think I played it off well, although Hazel’s look lingered, and that girl never misses anything. We both want him here, and we’re mad and it spills out in ugly ways pointed at the ones we love. Why? Cause they’re there and he’s not. And, even as I write that, it makes no sense, but then again grief never does follow neat and tidy logic.
But we give grace and carry on. Each, ugly and mad, and well aware that we have a long time to get better at what we know we never will.
Happy Birthday, son.
1,010 Comments
Well, I am thrilled to say that Lena’s surgery is behind us. Thanks for the prayers and concern. She is a tough little girl. I do not mean this in any way lightly, but she would not have made it to our arms if she were not. For the most part, the surgery went fairly smooth. Her awakening from the anesthesia was anything but and we think that she awoke with the desire for Ukraine to her voice again. Ginny and I both had the cold sweats and tried to not maim the nearby staff. They were oh-so kind- all of them, but that doesn’t matter when your daughter is screaming.
Today was Eliot’s 6th birthday. We woke up singing with the kids, ate like kings for breakfast, went to the zoo with our amazing friend Cary and her two beloveds. We ate cupcakes, opened gifts and gathered round a book we have on Eliot’s life and told it all in glorious detail to the kids before bed. Oh yes, and our friend Josh flew into town to join us for breakfast and then flew back to work (yes, just to be with us on what he knows is a tough-good day). No, he is not a jet-setter; yes, he is that faithful.
Not gonna lie, it all has been a little rough and stressful; Ginny and I have been crossways a time or two with each other. Oh, and Old Crow Medicine Show is live less than a block from me right now, and it’s sold out, so I am blogging. Somehow I’ll manage without the Medicine, but back to the other. Yes, see we’re not perfect. We realistically anticipated the nature of taking the rascals on the road and the potential toll of Lena’s surgery. But, even after years, we just never know where our hearts are gonna go when our minds head straightway to missing him. And it sucks. I was hiding tears on the 3 mph zoo-train that putters its way through monkeys and rhinos. I think I played it off well, although Hazel’s look lingered, and that girl never misses anything. We both want him here, and we’re mad and it spills out in ugly ways pointed at the ones we love. Why? Cause they’re there and he’s not. And, even as I write that, it makes no sense, but then again grief never does follow neat and tidy logic.
But we give grace and carry on. Each, ugly and mad, and well aware that we have a long time to get better at what we know we never will.
Happy Birthday, son.
1,010 Comments
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on July 20, 2012 at 10:33 pm
Crying with you friends! Wish I could hug your necks! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELIOT!!!!! You are one loved little guy and your Mommy and Daddy are the BEST…but you already know that!!
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on July 20, 2012 at 10:44 pm
Matt,
I don’t know what to say other than your FS friends love you and are holding you up in prayer. You and Ginny are such an inspiration to me, and a reminder that God’s grace runs aplenty to each of us. I can’t imagine how you continue to find your way through that maze called grief. However, I am so grateful that you are willing to share some of those moments with us. May God continue to give strength and grace to all of you.
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on July 21, 2012 at 7:22 am
Happy Birthday, Eliot! Thinking of you guys as you travel and prayers of healing for Lena. You continue to minister to me through your blog. Thank you for being real. God bless.
Mandy H (Madeline’s mommy)
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on July 21, 2012 at 12:43 pm
Hey family! Thanks for the update and the transparency as you walk your life. Praying for a safe trip and God’s peace as a balm to your souls. Thankful that this surgery has been completed and Lena is on the way to healing. Thankful for Eliot’s life and the legacy he left behind. Love ya’ll. Enjoy your time in Michigan!
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on July 21, 2012 at 11:08 pm
Happy Bday, E!!! Thank for all that E’s life has opened, even though the pain just plain stinks sometimes. Praying you, Ginny and the FOUR beautiful Rascals roll around in His beautiful glory all over this roadtrip:) P.S.- my baby girl woke up from anesthesia after getting ear tubes, full on anxiety attack and respiratory distress. Lovely cold sweats and not pretty words or faces thrown at the staff. But as I was reminded holding my girl’s hand last week at the dentist, wanting to hold the hands of the orphans with their attempts at the tough mask…Lena is blessed to have you at her side willing to maim the staff:)
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on July 22, 2012 at 12:12 am
Matt & Ginny-
I’ve been following your blogs for a long time but have never commented. My best friend’s son was stillborn 4 years ago, July 17th. I’m not a parent myself, but after hearing about your story about Eliot I’ve loved following how you celebrate your first born. Normally I would feel like it wasn’t my place to call my friend during this week to tell her that we love and miss her son, too. Now I do so, and I’ve learned it means something to her to know the love and loss isn’t wholly contained within their home, but exists in all of us who wish he was here today. He is loved and remembered, and, as you say, he is well.Best of luck on the rest of your trip. Thank you both for always keeping it real and so eloquently sharing your world. It has made such an impact in ours.
-Jesse.
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on July 26, 2012 at 6:25 am
Over six years ago I happened upon your blog, 99 Ballons, as you journaled the life of Elliot. It was difficult, I mourned for your loss, and we even shared it with our church family. It’s been a few years (and two additional children later-Ginny had just given birth to your second child) since I’ve been over to your blog, and as I popped in this morning, I’ve been blessed by your transparency. Your family is beautiful and your testimony a blessing. Thank you for sharing, even the struggles.
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on August 9, 2012 at 4:32 pm
Matt & Ginny,
I love following your blog…what an amazing couple..love you guys!
Mom #2…might need to step down to Mom #3 since you are married…
Crying with you friends! Wish I could hug your necks! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELIOT!!!!! You are one loved little guy and your Mommy and Daddy are the BEST…but you already know that!!
Matt,
I don’t know what to say other than your FS friends love you and are holding you up in prayer. You and Ginny are such an inspiration to me, and a reminder that God’s grace runs aplenty to each of us. I can’t imagine how you continue to find your way through that maze called grief. However, I am so grateful that you are willing to share some of those moments with us. May God continue to give strength and grace to all of you.
Happy Birthday, Eliot! Thinking of you guys as you travel and prayers of healing for Lena. You continue to minister to me through your blog. Thank you for being real. God bless.
Mandy H (Madeline’s mommy)
Hey family! Thanks for the update and the transparency as you walk your life. Praying for a safe trip and God’s peace as a balm to your souls. Thankful that this surgery has been completed and Lena is on the way to healing. Thankful for Eliot’s life and the legacy he left behind. Love ya’ll. Enjoy your time in Michigan!
Happy Bday, E!!! Thank for all that E’s life has opened, even though the pain just plain stinks sometimes. Praying you, Ginny and the FOUR beautiful Rascals roll around in His beautiful glory all over this roadtrip:) P.S.- my baby girl woke up from anesthesia after getting ear tubes, full on anxiety attack and respiratory distress. Lovely cold sweats and not pretty words or faces thrown at the staff. But as I was reminded holding my girl’s hand last week at the dentist, wanting to hold the hands of the orphans with their attempts at the tough mask…Lena is blessed to have you at her side willing to maim the staff:)
Matt & Ginny-
I’ve been following your blogs for a long time but have never commented. My best friend’s son was stillborn 4 years ago, July 17th. I’m not a parent myself, but after hearing about your story about Eliot I’ve loved following how you celebrate your first born. Normally I would feel like it wasn’t my place to call my friend during this week to tell her that we love and miss her son, too. Now I do so, and I’ve learned it means something to her to know the love and loss isn’t wholly contained within their home, but exists in all of us who wish he was here today. He is loved and remembered, and, as you say, he is well.
Best of luck on the rest of your trip. Thank you both for always keeping it real and so eloquently sharing your world. It has made such an impact in ours.
-Jesse.
Over six years ago I happened upon your blog, 99 Ballons, as you journaled the life of Elliot. It was difficult, I mourned for your loss, and we even shared it with our church family. It’s been a few years (and two additional children later-Ginny had just given birth to your second child) since I’ve been over to your blog, and as I popped in this morning, I’ve been blessed by your transparency. Your family is beautiful and your testimony a blessing. Thank you for sharing, even the struggles.
Matt & Ginny,
I love following your blog…what an amazing couple..love you guys!
Mom #2…might need to step down to Mom #3 since you are married…