Well, apparently I took a little blogcation. Upon my return it now seems a bit daunting to catch up on all of the life that snuck in since my last post. And yes, it’s been a bit wild- in a good way.
- Jet lag.
- Six weeks of work.
- Needy kids (and rightfully so).
- And a slight adjustment that we brought home named Lena.
I referred to the above reality as the perfect storm for a few weeks, but all is settling a bit and slowly a rhythm is forming- and I gotta say I like the beat.
Our schedule of doctors, far-flung specialists and therapists could choke a horse. Is that a saying? If so, it’s a horrible one, but against better judgment, I am leaving it in. Suffice it to say that paperwork and lobbies are becoming routine.
Tomorrow Lena will get an MRI of her brain. If you know me or have been around long then you know I kind of tend to go just a bit postal in hospital settings. So, I’ll be pacing and Ginny will be appearing calm- because she knows one of us should do so.
My worry is more centered on the process of meds, I.V., not feeding her for 8 hours and the breakdown that she may have- than what the MRI actually says- although I will care about that the minute all the other stuff is done.
After the MRI comes Kansas City for a Neurology specialist and after that a vision guru in St. Louis. And you get the idea. It’s quite hilarous filling out the paperwork as obviously they were not designed for adoptive families of special needs children.
- She’s five.
- We have no idea what she has.
- She has something though.
If you want to know more than that, then let’s get to work. And there’s a lot to do and lot to figure out and I have this strange paradoxical approach to all of it.
On one hand, I want everything that is humanly possible to be done for her and I want to push her and her doctors and I want to see them surprised when she returns. And just as soon as this perspective begins to stress me out, wondering if we have done it all right, gone to the perfect doctor, worked hard enough in our home- somewhere in here I am reminded where we brought her from and reminded that if we just wake up and love her and go to bed, then that will be a drastic improvement from where she was.
My prayer, as of late, for Lena has been that He would restore what the locusts have eaten. And in this prayer, I am reminded that I cannot do all that she needs. I am not enough. Of course, I have learned this lesson before now, but forgotten it by noon. I would like to say that this realization is a comfort, but only on my best days. I have built a world around my achievement and ability and I like to think that I can make a dent in whatever mountain lies before me.
It’s going to take all that I have and yet its beyond me. And in this way, Lena is no different than any of our kids. The best things that we as parents want for our children are those things that we cannot just hand them. Parenting is a daily reminder of my inadequacy.
Thanks kids.
3,732 Comments
Well, apparently I took a little blogcation. Upon my return it now seems a bit daunting to catch up on all of the life that snuck in since my last post. And yes, it’s been a bit wild- in a good way.
- Jet lag.
- Six weeks of work.
- Needy kids (and rightfully so).
- And a slight adjustment that we brought home named Lena.
I referred to the above reality as the perfect storm for a few weeks, but all is settling a bit and slowly a rhythm is forming- and I gotta say I like the beat.
Our schedule of doctors, far-flung specialists and therapists could choke a horse. Is that a saying? If so, it’s a horrible one, but against better judgment, I am leaving it in. Suffice it to say that paperwork and lobbies are becoming routine.
Tomorrow Lena will get an MRI of her brain. If you know me or have been around long then you know I kind of tend to go just a bit postal in hospital settings. So, I’ll be pacing and Ginny will be appearing calm- because she knows one of us should do so.
My worry is more centered on the process of meds, I.V., not feeding her for 8 hours and the breakdown that she may have- than what the MRI actually says- although I will care about that the minute all the other stuff is done.
After the MRI comes Kansas City for a Neurology specialist and after that a vision guru in St. Louis. And you get the idea. It’s quite hilarous filling out the paperwork as obviously they were not designed for adoptive families of special needs children.
- She’s five.
- We have no idea what she has.
- She has something though.
If you want to know more than that, then let’s get to work. And there’s a lot to do and lot to figure out and I have this strange paradoxical approach to all of it.
On one hand, I want everything that is humanly possible to be done for her and I want to push her and her doctors and I want to see them surprised when she returns. And just as soon as this perspective begins to stress me out, wondering if we have done it all right, gone to the perfect doctor, worked hard enough in our home- somewhere in here I am reminded where we brought her from and reminded that if we just wake up and love her and go to bed, then that will be a drastic improvement from where she was.
My prayer, as of late, for Lena has been that He would restore what the locusts have eaten. And in this prayer, I am reminded that I cannot do all that she needs. I am not enough. Of course, I have learned this lesson before now, but forgotten it by noon. I would like to say that this realization is a comfort, but only on my best days. I have built a world around my achievement and ability and I like to think that I can make a dent in whatever mountain lies before me.
It’s going to take all that I have and yet its beyond me. And in this way, Lena is no different than any of our kids. The best things that we as parents want for our children are those things that we cannot just hand them. Parenting is a daily reminder of my inadequacy.
Thanks kids.
3,732 Comments
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on February 8, 2012 at 11:52 am
You continue to amaze me! You also “waste” my morning plans! I have a minute to catch up on your writings ……..and someone has tiptoed in and turned the hands of my clock up a hour! I find myself having the need to go back and catch up on what has been going on in that head of yours……..not just your comings and goings……but your honest interpretations of your life!!! Just as you described your first pure Christmas….no tinsel, lights, wrapping paper and such, only the Giver of Christmas…..so I see your writings. Pure, (and honest)….a gift given to you that you are so willing to give to us….thanks again! I would love to read your book…….I keep thinking back to that little kid at FSC, shaking my head and muttering “who would have guessed?”!!!!
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on February 8, 2012 at 11:52 pm
These words were from Jesus to me tonight…thanks Matt. I’m afraid that all I feel most days is inadequate, and I am. Jesus is it.
“And just as soon as this perspective begins to stress me out, wondering if we have done it all right, gone to the perfect doctor, worked hard enough in our home- somewhere in here I am reminded where we brought her from and reminded that if we just wake up and love her and go to bed, then that will be a drastic improvement from where she was.”
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on February 9, 2012 at 5:49 am
Amen brotha. We have a great gift in your friendship. Thank you for sharing yourselves with us and others and the consistent forerunners you are. Much love, da’ newmans
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on February 16, 2012 at 2:36 pm
Hey Matt- I’m very interested in adopting a little Down Syndrome boy in the Ukraine named Colton (on Reece’s Rainbow). Saw that you guys adopted Lena from there. Would you mind filling me in on your experience? How much did it cost? Did you fundraise? How long did it take from start to finish? etc. Thanks so much!
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on February 19, 2012 at 3:24 pm
Hi! I am so glad to see this blog! I actually was trying to contact you before you left for Ukraine – my husband and I adopted our son from the same room as Lena – they were roommates! I wanted to share photos I took of Lena with you and tell you what I thought of her (wonderful thoughts!). Looks like I’m too late! ;o)
I would still love to visit with you by e-mail if you’d like. My e-mail address and blog are listed above. If you want to read my Ukraine blog posts (I can’t remember if I put a photo of her on there), go to the archives and check out July/August 2009.
I’m sooooo thrilled for Lena that she has her mom and dad now! My husband and I were praying for her and pulling for her hard. She sure grabbed my heart! :o)
Hugs to you as a fellow Antoshka mom!!
Missy
You continue to amaze me! You also “waste” my morning plans! I have a minute to catch up on your writings ……..and someone has tiptoed in and turned the hands of my clock up a hour! I find myself having the need to go back and catch up on what has been going on in that head of yours……..not just your comings and goings……but your honest interpretations of your life!!! Just as you described your first pure Christmas….no tinsel, lights, wrapping paper and such, only the Giver of Christmas…..so I see your writings. Pure, (and honest)….a gift given to you that you are so willing to give to us….thanks again! I would love to read your book…….I keep thinking back to that little kid at FSC, shaking my head and muttering “who would have guessed?”!!!!
These words were from Jesus to me tonight…thanks Matt. I’m afraid that all I feel most days is inadequate, and I am. Jesus is it.
“And just as soon as this perspective begins to stress me out, wondering if we have done it all right, gone to the perfect doctor, worked hard enough in our home- somewhere in here I am reminded where we brought her from and reminded that if we just wake up and love her and go to bed, then that will be a drastic improvement from where she was.”
Amen brotha. We have a great gift in your friendship. Thank you for sharing yourselves with us and others and the consistent forerunners you are. Much love, da’ newmans
Hey Matt- I’m very interested in adopting a little Down Syndrome boy in the Ukraine named Colton (on Reece’s Rainbow). Saw that you guys adopted Lena from there. Would you mind filling me in on your experience? How much did it cost? Did you fundraise? How long did it take from start to finish? etc. Thanks so much!
Hi! I am so glad to see this blog! I actually was trying to contact you before you left for Ukraine – my husband and I adopted our son from the same room as Lena – they were roommates! I wanted to share photos I took of Lena with you and tell you what I thought of her (wonderful thoughts!). Looks like I’m too late! ;o)
I would still love to visit with you by e-mail if you’d like. My e-mail address and blog are listed above. If you want to read my Ukraine blog posts (I can’t remember if I put a photo of her on there), go to the archives and check out July/August 2009.
I’m sooooo thrilled for Lena that she has her mom and dad now! My husband and I were praying for her and pulling for her hard. She sure grabbed my heart! :o)
Hugs to you as a fellow Antoshka mom!!
Missy