a year of sailing

I am intentionally swerving away from the topic of our adoption.

No progress that we know of. We are prayerfully considering joining the therapy team on a trip over there in October. This would mean meeting her, as well as providing her caretakers with a plan for the days until we are able to come again. We received a new picture this week, and we pray that she is thriving in an environment where that is near impossible. I hedge my comments as I must be careful with adoption and relationships and our work there. But, man, please pray with us for her life and her future.

Okay, this post is not about adoption; it is difficult to steer clear of the that which will not leave your mind.

As many of you know about a year ago I left my two post-law school jobs and went full time with 99 Balloons. I thought it would be good to reflect on some lessons learned over the past year.

God always asks for more:: I am constantly thinking that the next phase of life or the next thing is the one that will require the most faith in the entirety of my life.  And many times, I am wrestling with what is actually the largest faith jump I have yet to encounter.  However, I have noticed a little trend.  Maybe it is just a season of my life- one whereby I will look back and say it was a bad time to take a sample- but it seems that no matter where my ship is headed, there is more faith required at each mile.  There is a large part of me that longs for the days of faith to be in my rear view mirror, but the more I follow- the more reliant I become.  I long for the day that I have exhibited enough faith to earn a pass.  That is, I long for the day when it all makes sense to me.  When I get what I want.  But God just laughs and loves and leads me elsewhere.

All work can be a worship:: The new rockstar is a cause leader.  If you know me, then you know I hate this.  I throw up a bit in my mouth each time that a non-profit leader or the hot-topic-cause-guy gets lights, smoke and mirrors.  It’s true that there currently exists a generation that is highly focused on justice issues and that is a great thing.  But affording glamour and cache to serving is so American, so backward and so sickening.  I get unwarranted praise ever too often because I started and work for a non-profit that works with special needs kids.  Now I will be the first to say that the story of how we got here is a the most beautiful thing I have ever been a part of.  And I am honored to do what I get to do.  But the heroes are always found offstage.  The ones that come straight from getting off work at 5 to volunteer at rEcess with a kid until 10.  The ones heading over to Ukraine to train caretakers.  There’s nothing sexy about the greatest things we do.  And I love that more than you can know.  It comes down to the heart, and all work can be a worship- if done to Him and not to man.  So, dim the lights and dirty your hands.

It takes two:: As my boy Rob Base once said, “it takes two to make e’ry thing alright.  it takes two to make it outta sight”.  I have a wife that lets me lead us into scary places.  She does not have her eyes nor her safety set on me.  I am forever thankful for her willingness to not only come along with me but to spend herself so that we can go where we felt led.  This is a rare gift that I do not take for granted.  As the need for faith increases, I have consistently found myself leaning on hers.

I went sailing in Michigan this summer, and was taken by the fact that- once away from the bay- it seems as if you are not moving at all.  As if you are floating rather than actually heading toward any point on the horizon.  I think I’ve recently discovered that life is much the same way.

I am constantly taking stock of my life.  Measuring.  Stopping.  Looking around.  To be honest with you, I have realized that day-to-day I am pretty unsatisfied with the progress of my days.  It is never enough for me.  I often seem to be relaxed and enjoying the ride when actually I am working 100 angles simultaneously to ensure that tomorrow I am further along than I was today.

But sometimes, I take cast my gaze from the horizon, looking down to be surprised at the swift waters parting beneath me. It is only then that I am aware that life is moving at quite a clip.  May my sails be blown in a worthy direction.  Because we’re all moving.  Some more aware than others.  But we’re all making progress towards some end- may it not be futile.