This post is a part of a series accompanying the IDEA CAMP conference focused on orphan care coming soon to Northwest Arkansas. Gin & I are excited to be a part of this conference, as well as the blog series.
_____________________________________
I remember days in the dark season after we lost our son when I would come home to my sweet wife, walking in the door and following the trail of familiar sounds-tears, gasps and deep breaths. Upon my entry, she would hastily wipe her tears away as if she had been caught in the act of something sinister. She would proceed, with no words, to outstretch her hand and point to the corner where a furry, four-legged dog sat licking himself innocently enough.
This was the period in our lives where Ginny would insist that “Wilson”- the name she had given to the well-intended wheaten terrier I had gotten her- was the problem. He pooped, he peed, he ate a shoe- whatever the predictable puppy move of the day happened to be, it admirably served as something to blame and hate at a time when something to hate was just what was needed. Meanwhile, I crafted my own straw man to pour pent-up wrath upon; I insisted on orderliness, determined to exhibit my control of something- cleaning closets during the day and prepping for bed by doing it again, only better.
And as open wounds of our loss became scars, we both began to see the thing that no one could have told us in the moment of pain- this was about that.
Thus, the unwelcomed company of grief was my teacher- as I have now realized a propensity, when faced with hard issues, to throw myself headlong into activity that, in the end, is directed away from the real issue at hand. I have found I am not alone in this seemingly absurd dance to nowhere. It can be a way we cope with issues so big that they threaten to overcome us.
And now to the orphan.
In my work with 99 Balloons, I have gotten to spend precious time with special needs children. My own son, Eliot, as well as these children have reshaped my view in more areas than I can begin to type. But I want to let you know of just one thing that they will not let me forget: the beauty and worth of each and every one of us.
The plight of the special need orphan on a global level is one that is quite complex and quite simple all at the same time. Complex because each country, region and province plots its own path through a maze of zigzagging and confounding routes. Simple because they each arrive at the same destination: ascribing a lack of worth and potential to the physically and mentally fragile.
The stories would horrify you, and they need to be told.
A discussion on orphan care that does not include those with cognitive and physical disabilities is a well-meaning waste of time. In many cultures, the minute a special needs child is born, an orphan is born. In order to even have this discussion, entire cultures must change. Mindsets must change. Infrastructures must be built. And all of a sudden, we have managed to make an impossible issue even more daunting.
But I believe that special needs orphans have much to teach us on how to focus our efforts on the real issue- one that undergirds the entire discussion of orphan care.
Because this is about that.
And this is the fact that our world goes about imputing varying levels of worth to persons based upon our own criteria of what is or is not desirable. Those who lose out in this competitive world can serve as a beacon- cutting through the overwhelming nature of the orphan issue and making straight the path ahead.
This is not an issue of a lacking supply of mothers and fathers, nor of insufficient funds, nor of diseases and raging poverty. Rather, the issue is whether or not we place an infinite worth on the lives of these children- everyone of them in all of their packages.
And if we who try to help carry any measuring stick of worth, our efforts are futile.
And here’s where it hurts:
- We cannot just work with the ones like us.
- There is no trafficking issue with special needs orphans.
- The world sees hypocrisy if we speak of rescue for the orphan and the lowly, but direct our efforts towards these, not those.
Without an absolute commitment and steadfast action toward the conviction that every life is beautiful and of equal value, I fear we will be pointing at dogs in corners.
Here’s what I have noticed. When those the world deems least are loved tangibly and unconditionally, the world takes note. We can talk and scheme and plan conferences (and we should) all we want, but change only comes when shocking love is shown to the oppressed and outcast.
Herein lies the hope for the orphan- all of them.
Here are just a few folks working to show shocking love to these children:
Show Hope:: Maria’s Big House of Hope
Miriam Center::
TEAMworks Ukraine::
Reese’s Rainbow::
15 Comments
This post is a part of a series accompanying the IDEA CAMP conference focused on orphan care coming soon to Northwest Arkansas. Gin & I are excited to be a part of this conference, as well as the blog series.
_____________________________________
I remember days in the dark season after we lost our son when I would come home to my sweet wife, walking in the door and following the trail of familiar sounds-tears, gasps and deep breaths. Upon my entry, she would hastily wipe her tears away as if she had been caught in the act of something sinister. She would proceed, with no words, to outstretch her hand and point to the corner where a furry, four-legged dog sat licking himself innocently enough.
This was the period in our lives where Ginny would insist that “Wilson”- the name she had given to the well-intended wheaten terrier I had gotten her- was the problem. He pooped, he peed, he ate a shoe- whatever the predictable puppy move of the day happened to be, it admirably served as something to blame and hate at a time when something to hate was just what was needed. Meanwhile, I crafted my own straw man to pour pent-up wrath upon; I insisted on orderliness, determined to exhibit my control of something- cleaning closets during the day and prepping for bed by doing it again, only better.
And as open wounds of our loss became scars, we both began to see the thing that no one could have told us in the moment of pain- this was about that.
Thus, the unwelcomed company of grief was my teacher- as I have now realized a propensity, when faced with hard issues, to throw myself headlong into activity that, in the end, is directed away from the real issue at hand. I have found I am not alone in this seemingly absurd dance to nowhere. It can be a way we cope with issues so big that they threaten to overcome us.
And now to the orphan.
In my work with 99 Balloons, I have gotten to spend precious time with special needs children. My own son, Eliot, as well as these children have reshaped my view in more areas than I can begin to type. But I want to let you know of just one thing that they will not let me forget: the beauty and worth of each and every one of us.
The plight of the special need orphan on a global level is one that is quite complex and quite simple all at the same time. Complex because each country, region and province plots its own path through a maze of zigzagging and confounding routes. Simple because they each arrive at the same destination: ascribing a lack of worth and potential to the physically and mentally fragile.
The stories would horrify you, and they need to be told.
A discussion on orphan care that does not include those with cognitive and physical disabilities is a well-meaning waste of time. In many cultures, the minute a special needs child is born, an orphan is born. In order to even have this discussion, entire cultures must change. Mindsets must change. Infrastructures must be built. And all of a sudden, we have managed to make an impossible issue even more daunting.
But I believe that special needs orphans have much to teach us on how to focus our efforts on the real issue- one that undergirds the entire discussion of orphan care.
Because this is about that.
And this is the fact that our world goes about imputing varying levels of worth to persons based upon our own criteria of what is or is not desirable. Those who lose out in this competitive world can serve as a beacon- cutting through the overwhelming nature of the orphan issue and making straight the path ahead.
This is not an issue of a lacking supply of mothers and fathers, nor of insufficient funds, nor of diseases and raging poverty. Rather, the issue is whether or not we place an infinite worth on the lives of these children- everyone of them in all of their packages.
And if we who try to help carry any measuring stick of worth, our efforts are futile.
And here’s where it hurts:
- We cannot just work with the ones like us.
- There is no trafficking issue with special needs orphans.
- The world sees hypocrisy if we speak of rescue for the orphan and the lowly, but direct our efforts towards these, not those.
Without an absolute commitment and steadfast action toward the conviction that every life is beautiful and of equal value, I fear we will be pointing at dogs in corners.
Here’s what I have noticed. When those the world deems least are loved tangibly and unconditionally, the world takes note. We can talk and scheme and plan conferences (and we should) all we want, but change only comes when shocking love is shown to the oppressed and outcast.
Herein lies the hope for the orphan- all of them.
Here are just a few folks working to show shocking love to these children:
Show Hope:: Maria’s Big House of Hope
Miriam Center::
TEAMworks Ukraine::
Reese’s Rainbow::
15 Comments
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on January 3, 2011 at 7:00 am
Thank you for your words. Doug and I could not imagine our lives without sweet Caleb.
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To clarify a bit more……Doug and I did not begin our adoption process as a journey toward a special needs child. As we continued down the path of adoption, however, it became more and more clear that the Lord was calling us to adopt a child with special needs.
When I say that we could not imagine our lives without Caleb, I am not speaking about his time on earth (though I could not contemplate the grief of his absence).
Doug and I cannot imagine our lives without sweet Caleb when it comes to the people we would be without having had the opportunity to know him and love him. It is only by the grace of God and His goodness that we did not miss being Caleb’s mom and dad. And we are forever thankful that God chose a little boy to draw us to Himself.
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on January 3, 2011 at 3:33 pm
I myself have struggled and still do with trying to “fix” my children with special needs, to focus on their “imperfectness” rather than truly accepting them for the whole person that they are in God’s creation. If I just do more of this type of therapy, or try this diet or this supplement, then we’ll make headway and we’ll get on the right track. Who’s to say that my track is the right one?
Sometimes, in an effort to try and help those that are deemed “broken” to try and help them we miss the bigger point, I know that I do. We are all created in God’s own image. In whatever package we came down to earth in we were all created the same by our Creator. Yes it’s important to help those whose physical and emotional needs differ, but by doing that we aren’t making them more worthy. They were already created exactly the way they were for a purpose, and all of those who were created have a purpose to the Creator. I came across a bible verse the other day, and I can see it’s truths in many ways, but it definitely is relative here.
“For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.” Romans 1:20
The last sentence really speaks to me, “So they are without excuse.” We are without excuse, without explanation. We are made for a purpose, with a purpose, to serve a purpose… exactly as we are, no matter how we were formed. I need to not spend so much of my time and effort trying to make excuses for my children, or look for an excuse as to why they are the way they are, or even to make excuses for how the world sees them. We all are without excuse, we all are tangible expressions of God’s creation, made just as different and unique as the all the living things that He has made. When I stop trying to percieve things according to my own ideas or agendas and instead take it out of my head, I can definitely see things from a different perspective.
-
on January 4, 2011 at 3:38 pm
What amazing perspective and wisdom! Thank you!
Thank you for your words. Doug and I could not imagine our lives without sweet Caleb.
To clarify a bit more……Doug and I did not begin our adoption process as a journey toward a special needs child. As we continued down the path of adoption, however, it became more and more clear that the Lord was calling us to adopt a child with special needs.
When I say that we could not imagine our lives without Caleb, I am not speaking about his time on earth (though I could not contemplate the grief of his absence).
Doug and I cannot imagine our lives without sweet Caleb when it comes to the people we would be without having had the opportunity to know him and love him. It is only by the grace of God and His goodness that we did not miss being Caleb’s mom and dad. And we are forever thankful that God chose a little boy to draw us to Himself.
I myself have struggled and still do with trying to “fix” my children with special needs, to focus on their “imperfectness” rather than truly accepting them for the whole person that they are in God’s creation. If I just do more of this type of therapy, or try this diet or this supplement, then we’ll make headway and we’ll get on the right track. Who’s to say that my track is the right one?
Sometimes, in an effort to try and help those that are deemed “broken” to try and help them we miss the bigger point, I know that I do. We are all created in God’s own image. In whatever package we came down to earth in we were all created the same by our Creator. Yes it’s important to help those whose physical and emotional needs differ, but by doing that we aren’t making them more worthy. They were already created exactly the way they were for a purpose, and all of those who were created have a purpose to the Creator. I came across a bible verse the other day, and I can see it’s truths in many ways, but it definitely is relative here.
“For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.” Romans 1:20
The last sentence really speaks to me, “So they are without excuse.” We are without excuse, without explanation. We are made for a purpose, with a purpose, to serve a purpose… exactly as we are, no matter how we were formed. I need to not spend so much of my time and effort trying to make excuses for my children, or look for an excuse as to why they are the way they are, or even to make excuses for how the world sees them. We all are without excuse, we all are tangible expressions of God’s creation, made just as different and unique as the all the living things that He has made. When I stop trying to percieve things according to my own ideas or agendas and instead take it out of my head, I can definitely see things from a different perspective.
What amazing perspective and wisdom! Thank you!