6

12. 12. 12

It is as though the calendar has been set to acknowledge that this is a special day. This is our Lena’s 6th birthday. Her first in our family. She spent her last three in an orphanage- on her back in a crib.

This year with Lena has been too much. I have often chosen to not write about her or what she has brought to our family because I know it is still simmering within my soul; I have seen that closed fires burn hotter while open fires can putter out. God has seared so much into our heart through Lena, and I am left as I rarely am- speechless.

Her adoption and disability have led us deeper into the heart of God. This has not always been an easy path; as I have stepped closer to the light of God, the darkness within me is exposed and I shudder at the mirror. She has a way of exposing people- see I told you I just can’t articulate it quite yet.

But here’s what I know today:
I’m about to jump in the car and head to my daughter’s birthday party at Gymnastic Joe’s- a local place with soft floors and trampolines that produce a smile from Lena that will stop you cold in your tracks. Her brother and sister ran into her room this morning to sing happy birthday at the top of their lungs. Her mother held her and sang too and her dad took pictures.

And everyone will come and go- our friends’ kids will attend another birthday party, the staff will clean up just as always and we will load up in the van and head back home. It will all seem normal. I will do my daddy duties of loading gifts and supporting Lena while she bounces and making sure no other kids get hurt.

And I will watch and take it all in a silent posture. My mouth will not move but heart will be screaming:

taste and see that the Lord is good.

this is not normal. normal was a crib.
jump sweet Lena, jump.