If you are new or have slept, you can catch up on our adoption process through a couple of my posts & Ginny’s recent (& beautiful) summation.
Our red little ranch home now has a two-story addition where a one-car garage stood just weeks ago. Well, at least its the skeleton of what is coming; I’ve been profusely told that construction frames like a cougar, then slows to a sloth. Still, I have awoken more than once and been surprised to find the new wing sprouting- having forgotten at some point in my slumber that we really are doing this. As with so much in the adoption process, it seems to be all hustle & bustle, but no tangible steps that walk me closer to her.
With past children, I have gotten to see formation through baby bumps and ultrasounds. But with adoption, you just fill out paperwork and wait, and the waiting that was sweet with my others, now stings instead, as she is there, waiting too.
We have been intentionally a bit ambiguous when it comes to the reality of Lena’s needs and diagnosis. This is due to the fact that as surely as we put it out there, someone will say something and then I will want to kill them- and that’s not good for anyone. The truth is that it is a patchwork process anyway as the place where she resides cannot tell us with specificity her diagnosis, needs or potential.
With that said, here we go anyway. She is 4.5 years old. She is immobile & non-verbal. We have been told that she has agenesis of corpus collosum- which means the part of the brain that connects the left side with the right side is not present. They say she has cerebral palsy- and she does have weakness on her left side- so she probably does. Her vision is poor, but no one knows how bad it is. And there’s most likely more, but this is the wrong road be going down right now.
See, here’s another place where adoption is really strange. Because you get to know and think and analyze all of this stuff before you even meet the child. And that is probably not a good thing. Because here is what we know beyond a shadow of a doubt due to a little boy who I miss more than you know. When it’s your child, you don’t give a damn. You don’t sit around and wonder if you can take care of this diagnosis or who will care for your child when you are old and she is still unable to care for herself. You just love them and pour your life into figuring out the rest. All the while knowing you are the real recipient.
But diagnosis, potential and long-term care are not the questions for today, and if we would have sought to answer them first, I assure you we would have been buried under them- unable to move forward and frozen in fear. But the first and only question for now remains, “is this girl our daughter?”.
We believe the answer to that is yes. Thus, a beam is raised in the hole of my heart as another begins to build something inside. This form is hidden, but just as real.
In the last two weeks we have received some difficult news that could delay the adoption process. More than time lost, we fear that Lena’s well being could be at stake. I plan to lay out the facts as to why soon, but if you are so inclined, I would ask you to pray for favor with the USCIS as well as Ukrainian officials. I believe doing so is all that we can do, and is more than enough. Just know if you even so much as cough up a prayer on her behalf, I am forever indebted to you.
Because the answer is yes, and there is no mountain that will stand between me and my daughter.
3,556 Comments
If you are new or have slept, you can catch up on our adoption process through a couple of my posts & Ginny’s recent (& beautiful) summation.
Our red little ranch home now has a two-story addition where a one-car garage stood just weeks ago. Well, at least its the skeleton of what is coming; I’ve been profusely told that construction frames like a cougar, then slows to a sloth. Still, I have awoken more than once and been surprised to find the new wing sprouting- having forgotten at some point in my slumber that we really are doing this. As with so much in the adoption process, it seems to be all hustle & bustle, but no tangible steps that walk me closer to her.
With past children, I have gotten to see formation through baby bumps and ultrasounds. But with adoption, you just fill out paperwork and wait, and the waiting that was sweet with my others, now stings instead, as she is there, waiting too.
We have been intentionally a bit ambiguous when it comes to the reality of Lena’s needs and diagnosis. This is due to the fact that as surely as we put it out there, someone will say something and then I will want to kill them- and that’s not good for anyone. The truth is that it is a patchwork process anyway as the place where she resides cannot tell us with specificity her diagnosis, needs or potential.
With that said, here we go anyway. She is 4.5 years old. She is immobile & non-verbal. We have been told that she has agenesis of corpus collosum- which means the part of the brain that connects the left side with the right side is not present. They say she has cerebral palsy- and she does have weakness on her left side- so she probably does. Her vision is poor, but no one knows how bad it is. And there’s most likely more, but this is the wrong road be going down right now.
See, here’s another place where adoption is really strange. Because you get to know and think and analyze all of this stuff before you even meet the child. And that is probably not a good thing. Because here is what we know beyond a shadow of a doubt due to a little boy who I miss more than you know. When it’s your child, you don’t give a damn. You don’t sit around and wonder if you can take care of this diagnosis or who will care for your child when you are old and she is still unable to care for herself. You just love them and pour your life into figuring out the rest. All the while knowing you are the real recipient.
But diagnosis, potential and long-term care are not the questions for today, and if we would have sought to answer them first, I assure you we would have been buried under them- unable to move forward and frozen in fear. But the first and only question for now remains, “is this girl our daughter?”.
We believe the answer to that is yes. Thus, a beam is raised in the hole of my heart as another begins to build something inside. This form is hidden, but just as real.
In the last two weeks we have received some difficult news that could delay the adoption process. More than time lost, we fear that Lena’s well being could be at stake. I plan to lay out the facts as to why soon, but if you are so inclined, I would ask you to pray for favor with the USCIS as well as Ukrainian officials. I believe doing so is all that we can do, and is more than enough. Just know if you even so much as cough up a prayer on her behalf, I am forever indebted to you.
Because the answer is yes, and there is no mountain that will stand between me and my daughter.
3,556 Comments
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on May 27, 2011 at 5:05 pm
I’m praying for favor and speed in this adoption process. I don’t want to imagine what it would feel like to long for your daughter when the only thing separating you is paper.
Every time I read a post about Lena from either you or Ginny it makes me think of another blog I read nogreaterjoymom.com. I’m not sure if you’ve read it, and I’m sure there are a million blogs focusing on adoption, but Adeye and her husband have adopted 4 girls with special needs and I believe that two of them are from Ukraine. She also advocates for children frequently raising funds, awareness and prayers.
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on June 3, 2011 at 5:26 pm
thanks for sharing the blog, I look forward to checking it out
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on May 28, 2011 at 8:19 am
Praying for you guys and little Lena that God moves the mountains in front of you and brings your little girl safely home to you!
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on May 28, 2011 at 3:42 pm
Praying for you guys and everyone involved in this process that their hearts will break for Lena and the family that awaits her!
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on May 29, 2011 at 1:33 pm
Matt and Ginny. Our son lived 87 days back in 2006. Today someone posted your video that was shown at there church and I watched it and sobbed. I remember those days so well. Our son Hudson had partial Trisomy 1Q, he was born with no ears and had multiple heart surgeries. We have adopted three after his going to be with Jesus day, our hearts still ache for our boy, but we see the Lord turning ashes for beauty. So glad I happened to click on her link today!
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thank for sharing of your Hudson. so sorry to hear of your loss
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on May 30, 2011 at 1:08 pm
Well, I surely wish my husband and I knew you and Ginny in real life since we seem to be on the same path in so many ways. You may remember that our daughter who passed away was born on the same day/year as Eliot. Then Ginny and I were due on the same day and on bed rest at the same time. And now you are in the midst of an international adoption. Of a special needs child. (Although we didn’t know our daughter had special needs when we adopted and did not know she had a terminal disease.) I think I’ll have to keep checking in on you guys to see what my husband and I might be up to next! 🙂 Oh and just so you know, we are moving to California this summer…so you might be moving West soon, hee, hee. (I promise I am NOT a stalker making this stuff up!!!!)
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wild stuff! thanks for sharing.
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on June 1, 2011 at 10:37 am
I will keep your sweet family in our prayers. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to wait when you know Lena’s waiting, too. I started reading your blog in 2008, just after I had my first baby. I was visiting my sister, and she showed me the 99 balloons video. I have thought about you, Ginny & Eliot quite often since then & have been so happy for your family with the additions of Hazel & Anders. When I read this latest post, I had to race to the phone & call my sister. Her daughter (who just turned 5 yesterday) also has ACC. I have never “known” anyone else with this, so I was very interested to read this. I will continue to pray for a speedy approval of Lena’s adoption. Best of luck to you guys.
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on June 1, 2011 at 3:16 pm
beautiful post, matt.
i came across this article today & wanted to pass it on to you and ginny. http://www.reviewjournal.com/lvrj_home/2006/Feb-26-Sun-2006/living/5987837.html
hope you guys are well. your kiddos are beautiful!
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thanks! really great article
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on June 5, 2011 at 3:02 pm
thanks for that post Matt. you have a way of putting your thoughts together so eloquently, I feel the exact same but have struggled to communicate those same feelings for years. Thank you.
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on June 6, 2011 at 8:08 am
thank you matt mooney. you pen words that the heart feels but often has no ability to articulate… then providing validation, which feels like a gift received…. promise i’m praying for sweet Lena right now, and Vera and L’s other friends whom you champion.
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on June 13, 2011 at 4:47 pm
Hello, I just wanted to tell you that I’m praying for you to get Lena as soon as possible. I saw Lena’s picture on a blog and was about to post something on her so someone would consider adopting her. Then I saw your comment that said you were adopting her! I am so happy for her and for your family!
I’m praying for favor and speed in this adoption process. I don’t want to imagine what it would feel like to long for your daughter when the only thing separating you is paper.
Every time I read a post about Lena from either you or Ginny it makes me think of another blog I read nogreaterjoymom.com. I’m not sure if you’ve read it, and I’m sure there are a million blogs focusing on adoption, but Adeye and her husband have adopted 4 girls with special needs and I believe that two of them are from Ukraine. She also advocates for children frequently raising funds, awareness and prayers.
thanks for sharing the blog, I look forward to checking it out
Praying for you guys and little Lena that God moves the mountains in front of you and brings your little girl safely home to you!
Praying for you guys and everyone involved in this process that their hearts will break for Lena and the family that awaits her!
Matt and Ginny. Our son lived 87 days back in 2006. Today someone posted your video that was shown at there church and I watched it and sobbed. I remember those days so well. Our son Hudson had partial Trisomy 1Q, he was born with no ears and had multiple heart surgeries. We have adopted three after his going to be with Jesus day, our hearts still ache for our boy, but we see the Lord turning ashes for beauty. So glad I happened to click on her link today!
thank for sharing of your Hudson. so sorry to hear of your loss
Well, I surely wish my husband and I knew you and Ginny in real life since we seem to be on the same path in so many ways. You may remember that our daughter who passed away was born on the same day/year as Eliot. Then Ginny and I were due on the same day and on bed rest at the same time. And now you are in the midst of an international adoption. Of a special needs child. (Although we didn’t know our daughter had special needs when we adopted and did not know she had a terminal disease.) I think I’ll have to keep checking in on you guys to see what my husband and I might be up to next! 🙂 Oh and just so you know, we are moving to California this summer…so you might be moving West soon, hee, hee. (I promise I am NOT a stalker making this stuff up!!!!)
wild stuff! thanks for sharing.
I will keep your sweet family in our prayers. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to wait when you know Lena’s waiting, too. I started reading your blog in 2008, just after I had my first baby. I was visiting my sister, and she showed me the 99 balloons video. I have thought about you, Ginny & Eliot quite often since then & have been so happy for your family with the additions of Hazel & Anders. When I read this latest post, I had to race to the phone & call my sister. Her daughter (who just turned 5 yesterday) also has ACC. I have never “known” anyone else with this, so I was very interested to read this. I will continue to pray for a speedy approval of Lena’s adoption. Best of luck to you guys.
beautiful post, matt.
i came across this article today & wanted to pass it on to you and ginny. http://www.reviewjournal.com/lvrj_home/2006/Feb-26-Sun-2006/living/5987837.html
hope you guys are well. your kiddos are beautiful!
thanks! really great article
thanks for that post Matt. you have a way of putting your thoughts together so eloquently, I feel the exact same but have struggled to communicate those same feelings for years. Thank you.
thank you matt mooney. you pen words that the heart feels but often has no ability to articulate… then providing validation, which feels like a gift received…. promise i’m praying for sweet Lena right now, and Vera and L’s other friends whom you champion.
Hello, I just wanted to tell you that I’m praying for you to get Lena as soon as possible. I saw Lena’s picture on a blog and was about to post something on her so someone would consider adopting her. Then I saw your comment that said you were adopting her! I am so happy for her and for your family!